Our little secret

I have a confession to make, I am keeping in a little secret. And at this stage that is all it is, just a little one as nothing is set in stone.

Anyone who knows Alee or I know that about four weeks ago I underwent another surgery. I had an investigative laparoscopy to check for endometriosis and remove any, check my uterus, check the patency of my fallopian tubes and the big one, they were looking for hydrosalpinx, fluid, in the tubes that can lead to miscarriage. If they found this they would remove my tubes, which opens up a whole other can of worms and thoughts, like me feeling like less of a woman because they are taking a huge part of my reproductive system from my body. The interesting story behind this surgery is that after my second miscarriage a fertility specialist recommended that I have this operation to look for hydrosalpinx as he believed this to be the cause of the losses. We didn’t have private cover so we could either cough up $10,000 or go on the public waiting list. The list was about 12 months just to get an appointment to see the specialist (who oddly enough was actually the same specialist who I saw at this private clinic that recommended the surgery, he also worked public) and then another 12 months or more after that for the actual operation. At this time we then thought “well do we even bother with another cycle before the surgery?”, “what if we do a cycle and lose another baby because it’s the stupid fluid?”, and so on and so forth. It was like a catch 22 really. Obviously we opted for the wait list and another cycle and we were incredibly lucky that it took, *insert Oakland here*.

Oakland had been born, he had turned one and then I finally get my phone call and I am up next on the surgery list. I went in for the procedure and I was anxious as hell at the idea of them finding that since having Oakland my body had just gone to shit. But there was also the hope that perhaps having Oakland had magically cured my infertility. As stupid as it sounds, I have read stories of women who underwent countless cycles of IVF, finally conceived a child and then they fell pregnant naturally afterward; it is as though pregnancy shocked their bodies into realising what it is meant to do. I was hoping I was one of those rare unicorns.

After the surgery I was lying in my hospital bed, Alee and Oakland at home, and the doctor came to see me. She told me that there was no sign of PID, that they had found several pieces of endometriosis, including some inside my tubes, and they had removed it. She then casually added that my tubes were both now patent. They were what sorry???? Clear.  They ran a dye test and my tubes were now completely fucking clear. You have got to be shitting me!!!?? It was at this moment I did what I guess was the most logical thing to do in that situation, I began crying hysterically in front of the doctor. Exactly ten years ago, and I mean exactly (this was several days before my 31st birthday and I had my initial laparoscopy several days before my 21st, best birthday present) I found out I was infertile. I had a doctor tell me my tubes were blocked and there was no way of unblocking them. He told me I absolutely had to do IVF if I ever wanted to conceive. So that was that. I took him at his word. I have had another laparoscopy between the two, however they didn’t look at my tubes, just my uterus. I looked up at the doctor between my blubbering and asked if this meant I didn’t need IVF. Of course she doesn’t know my entire situation and could only tell me that if blocked tubes were the sole reason behind my infertility then yep, I would no longer require IVF. I know my egg quality is low and that I also have the lupus anticoagulant antigen to deal with, but as far as I am aware my main issue that caused my infertility that required IVF is my tubes. The other things can be dealt with using medication before and during pregnancy.

So that brings me to now. I am booked in to see Dr Ong, who is an absolute champ, on December 1st to go over my results and see what he says about whether I a will now be able to conceive with IUI and medications for all my other crap and leave IVF longggg behind me! I have been trying to keep this news in until I know definite results from Dr Ong, as right now I am purely assuming that I no longer require IVF but I am thinking that my assumption is pretty logical surely? I really have no words for this and how this has news (though not confirmed) has impacted Alee and I, as well as my family. I still keep pinching myself because it just does not feel real.

On a side note, I began writing this article at least five days ago. Oakland has been so grumpy and off it this week that I have not had time to myself at all! We are off to New Zealand in less than two weeks and I am so looking forward to having Alee there to share the care of Oakie! This mumma needs a break and a farm stay to refresh.

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