Get your shit together mum!

Yesterday was one of those days when I fucking nailed parenting. Or at least I portrayed that I did, or so I thought.

I was up early to take Oakland to his weekly swimming lesson. By early I mean Oakland woke at 4am for the day so…I didn’t manage makeup but whatever, I am ok with that. I was functioning with limited caffeine in my system on little sleep, so I’ll take that win. We fucking nailed swimming together. For the first time ever Oakland paddled AND kicked at the same time! Get out, how is that kid so amazing?

We got home and I managed to get him down for a shortish nap and put on makeup before he was up and I was furiously shoving a tub yoghurt in his face and silently cursing he fact he needed to chew and savour every single bloody mouthful. It’s yoghurt man, just swallow! He finished that off and we had literally minutes before we needed to leave for Toddler Sense. I grabbed some chick peas and put them in a container for him for the car ride. To answer the question you are all thinking, yes they ended up in all the nooks and crannies of his car seat and I regretted it but I was being a ‘top’ mum and feeding my kid something other than a cream filled biscuit for a change, another parenting win for the day right?

Of course at Toddler Sense he was the one kid that was trying to escape out the front door every five minutes, running riot on the stage which is off-limits, climbing the only set of stairs in the entire building and just generally being feral. It was bring your pet to class day and we were one of the three people who remembered to bring a toy from home which meant every other kid got given a duck from the teacher. So of course Oakland didn’t want his lemur when everyone else had a fucking duck. He loves ducks, why would he want a lame lemur when he could just steal some kid’s fucking duck? Anyway, Toddler Sense was over and done with and we went home.

The rest of the afternoon was nothing spectacular, we read books, sang songs and watched The Wiggles about a billion times over. Dinner and bath time went fairly average and once he finally went down for the night I sat down and did Alee’s bookings. She got home quite late, I think it was after 9:30pm. The house was clean and all her appointments taken care of, so here is me thinking “yeah Carly, you made today your bitch. You had fuck all sleep but you still smashed it!”. By 10:30pm I was ready to shower and go to bed. It was at this point as I was undressing I realised my fucking shirt was on inside out. The entire day I had been wearing this bloody shirt in public the wrong way. I’d even been rocking it braless because that’s one of the pros of having tiny boobs. In that moment, my entire day of slaying parenthood and appearing as though I had my shit together was thrown out the window. For once it wasn’t a tiny human but rather it was a crappy piece of overpriced fabric that destroyed my soul and crushed my ego. I blame the damn chick peas, I knew I should’ve stuck with bloody biscuits.


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