Why pregnant women need to shut the fuck up

This is going to make me sound like a cunt. When I am going through IVF (or just prior, like right now) I literally HATE all pregnant people. If you are preggo, just stay the fuck away from me. No, I am not fucking happy for you. I definitely do not want to see your positive piss sticks or your blurry as all shit scans of some unreadable little blob and tell you how cute it is. It is a fucking little  5 week old dot people, I am not playing this game of ‘guess the gender’ or ‘whose nose do you think it has?’ today.

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When you are trying and failing for a baby you become super aware of pregnant women. It literally seems like the number of pregnant women in your immediate area code quadruples and they are always wherever the hell you happen to be, all glowing and gorgeous and just rubbing it in your un-pregnant face.

On one of my mother’s groups about 8 (maybe more, there was another I just saw) women have announced their pregnancies in the last 24 hours. That seems a bit fucking ridiculous to me. And incredibly insulting.

Last time I miscarried one of my friends fell pregnant a few weeks after I had and  she was continuously uploading photos of her scans and ever expanding belly. Photos of her nursery and baby clothes she bought flooded my Facebook feed. The whole time I just couldn’t be happy for her. I just thought “that should be me”. And the whole time I felt disgusting and selfish because I couldn’t get past my own shit to be happy for someone who deserved to celebrate her pregnancy. After a few months I ended up blocking her from appearing in my news feed. It was all I could do to not resent and hate her.

During my cycles I was an active member on Bub Hub. I found a beautiful group of women who were all doing IVF, some who had also had miscarriages. These women all shared my resentment towards pregnant women, or women who just seemed to fall pregnant by walking past a penis. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. Why was this happening to us? These pregnant women would never understand the struggle. Then one day I finally fell pregnant and stayed pregnant. A few women on the group also did and suddenly I noticed a shift in the tone from the other women who were not pregnant. We were suddenly those women that we previously resented. We ended up starting another group for the pregnant women as we were no longer welcomed into the group of women who struggled to conceive, despite what we had all endured to get there. Add to that I felt guilty as shit discussing my HCG levels, or how dreadful my morning sickness was or how excited I was to finally see my own little blurry blob and try to see what features he or she had of mine.

It was only when I began to show and when I was out in public that I realised how wrong my original thoughts had been. Were there women looking at me and thinking “fuck her, she probably just had some one night stand and got knocked up, bet she isn’t even grateful for her baby”? Was I upsetting other women who were struggling, who had been trying for years or who had lost their own babies? I quickly learned that you cannot judge another pregnant woman on her journey, because you don’t know her journey.

So to all those ladies in my baby groups announcing their pregnancies, fuck you. I still hate you and will likely block you from my feed. Pretty sure I am not the only one! Butttt I am happy for you (deep, deep down somewhere) and wish you all the best. I’ll even unblock you once I get pregnant myself and we can complain about back ache and how much pregnancy sucks together.

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8 thoughts on “Why pregnant women need to shut the fuck up

  1. i can totally relate to this.. i m/c two nights ago and went from looking at pregnant women and pregnancy sites etc as amazing and beautiful to now. why not me?! I have been literally saying to myself, “things happen for a reason and you should be happy for the women who have most likely dreamed of this just like you have! your time will come”. its hard as fuck, but i dont think i would survive if i hated everyone and everything around me because mine didn’t work out this time .

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    1. I am so sorry to hear. That must be devastating for you. It’s so hard to not be resentful and you’ll have good days and bad, you need to allow yourself to feel however you do that day and not feel guilty for those feelings. You’re entitled to feel your feelings xxxx I hope things work out for you soon 💘

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    2. Thank you for this post. I stumbled across your Facebook page and as I scrolled through your feed I felt so jealous of you. Your partner clearly adores you and you seem to have the perfect family. My husband died when our son was 18 weeks old and our son is now nearly as old as your son. I want everyone to fuck off with their family photos and Mother’s Day posts and their expecting our second baby posts. Fucking people sharing shit.

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      1. I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be. I try not to be bitter towards people as everyone deserves their happiness but sometimes it does feel like the world is so unfair. I hope that your son gives you something to smile about every day? Trust me my family isn’t perfect! We all have things in our family that are crazy. We try our best to be good parents though and that’s what matters x

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  2. Can not like this enough! I have had to remove so many groups purely because some women seem to only join just to bost about being pregnant and how it took ‘a full 3 months to finally fall naturally and how hard it was on them’ FUCK OFF.. try 4 years and then come complain how hard it is!

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  3. I loved this post – before we got pregnant I had 2 mc after the second I swear every fucking female I walked past or spoke to was pregnant and it took all my strength not to knock them out. Then after a year of failed IVF and a like decided that our dog would be our child- we got pregnant. I had made friends with a number of woman who were unable to have kids and suddenly I felt full of guilt. But we are now 36 weeks along and the guilt still doesn’t subside. After a mc I don’t think you can truly have a joyous pregnancy, every trip to the toilet during the first few months I dreaded that there would be bleeding, and now in the 3rd trimester I’m on a first name basis with the midwives at the GCUH due to constant fear he hasn’t moved enough that day.
    Pregnancy fucking sucks, if I’m not feeling guilty because we know how hard it is for so many women to get there, then I’m constantly feeling like my body has been taken over by an alien and my nipples are the satellite dishes used to communicate with his people.

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  4. I was exactly the same. It was even harder because, in the time it took for me to get pregnant once, my sister had produced 3 kids to join the 2 she already had (a set of twins and a single). She was one of those that complained about it taking 3 months to conceive and, when she got pregnant with her last, it was the week I tried and failed IVF for the first time. I resented her so hard that we didn’t speak for 2 years. We used to speak daily. I didn’t meet my nephew until he was 18 months and I still struggle to like him at 4 years old.

    I thought it would be different in trying for #2 and it is…but not much. I’m starting to get all those old jealous feelings because it was supposed to happen right away the second time, right? My body is supposed to know what to do. Only apparently it doesn’t. This time is easier though because I just look at my kid and instantly feel better.

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    1. This really resonates with me. I haven’t written about it at all but members of my immediate family have had accidental pregnancies several times while I’ve done IVF, one time when I miscarried. And guess what? It’s just happened again now. It’s horrible to feel this way but perfectly natural I think xxx

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