If looks could kill, Alee would have been dead by 7am this morning. Oakland was being feral and decided 4:30am was the perfect time to rise and shine and make my day amazing. After arguing with Alee about who would get him, I won out and she went and grabbed him and brought him to our bed. Then she got to go back to sleep while he wanted milk every five seconds and had to climb over me like the living dead crawling from a grave. On one side, my titty is being ripped off my body and on the other The Fucking Wiggles were telling me how to do the Propellor. To be honest I don’t know which was more painful.
Then of course Oakland decides to shit himself. It was 7am and I was like nup, tapping out on parenting now. I look over and Alee’s fast asleep, dreaming of Krispy Kreme and fuck knows what else. It took everything in me to not punch her in the face really. I woke her and asked her to change him and she had the balls to say nope, you’re already awake. Ummm excuse me? Yeah, I was awake, not by choice! We argued back and forth about it and I point out how yesterday was her day off and I still did everything. I let her go to bed early last night so she could watch lame stand up comedy while I fed and bathed Oakland then fed all the animals. She complains she is tired. Yeah, no doubt you would be after having a rough night of Netflix til fuck knows what hour this morning. She is likely in the running for Aussie of the Year after that horrendous and trying battle, inspiring others and overcoming adversity, suffering long nights of sleeplessness. Keep fighting the good fight Alee.
It was at this point that she looks at me with only one eye open and says “yeah, but I work”. Well shit. It was on like Donkey Kong mate. “Well what the hell do you think I do all day Alee? Do you think Oakland takes care of himself and I just sleep?”. I’ve worked in paid employment, I worked right up til I was ready to birth your goddamn child and caused irreversible damage to my vagina that no one comes back from and now I dedicate myself 100%, 24/7 to raising him to not be an asshole, while also making sure you eat and wear clean clothes every day and that our animals don’t die too. I am basically in charge of keeping a small zoo and three humans alive. Are you fucking kidding me right now? I let her have it and then worked on changing Oakland while she just laid there stunned and silent. It took all my strength to not throw that nappy on her face, shitty side down. I went and treated myself to a five minute shower after that so I could put a wall between Alee and I before I totally destroyed her. What she had said made me literally feel so undervalued and underappreciated in all that I do. Being a full time mum is the toughest job I have ever done. I’ve worked, I’ve studied, but this is hard and she wouldn’t know that because she never really has him herself for more than a few hours because on her days off we spend it as a family, because I miss her too.
Once I got out of the shower I expected to see her still lying in bed, so I prepared myself for that but to my surprise the bed was made and Alee and Oakland were no where in sight. Alee had gotten up, cleaned the room, taken Oakland out to the lounge room and was keeping him entertained. I know Alee, and this was her way of saying “oooh shit, I fucked up big time and overstepped the mark”. I know she appreciates me. She tells me and she shows me. I know what she said today was because she was tired (even if it was because she was a twat and stayed awake to watch TV). She’s just lucky she sucked up her pride and fixed shit before I went OJ Simpson on her ass.
If you are reading this and you are the non-primary carer (I guess that makes you the secondary carer?) tell your partner how much you appreciate what they do. Show them that they fucking matter and you value them and their contribution to your family. They may not be making ir rain hunnids, but they are raising a human fucking being. They have to spend their time not only keeping that person/s alive, but making sure they grow into a semi-decent human being that won’t be a scourge on society. They are teaching them literally everything they will know, and it is draining. Yeah I am sure you had a rough day today too, but put yourself aside for an evening and rub their feet, tell them to sleep an extra five minutes in the morning or to jump in the shower while you make the kid some breakfast. That five minutes of peace may be the only five minutes that they get today. While you get to go pee alone at work, remember, we don’t. We potentially have a person attached to our body 24/7. To get some alone time we have to fight to the death to get them to sleep, at which time we then rush to wash your clothes or prepare your dinner. And if you aren’t doing all this for your partner’s sake, do it for your own, because you may just end up with rat bait in your mash potato if you don’t.