This post is likely to piss a lot of people off and probably cause a lot of controversy and discussion, but really, I just don’t give AF.
Alee and I have knowingly chosen to make a lot of our life quite public, and as such we expect that there will be people out there who disagree with our way of living and feel it is their job to make this known to us, and of course there will be trolls who just spend their lives living in an online world where they can hide behind the safety of a computer screen, be whoever they want and make other people feel like shit without fear of retribution or ever having their true identities known. This fact is especially true of the post that went viral featuring our family photo. Without knowing anything other than the few lines of writing attached to a single photo, hundreds of thousands of people worldwide publicly voiced their beliefs and opinions on us, what they thought our lives were like, how they thought we came to have a dark skinned child (adoption was the likely scenario) and then what was never meant to be more than a tiny tid bit of our day shared with Alee’s followers suddenly became this huge debate that was gaining so much momentum it was very soon out of our control. But we are ok with this because we have put ourselves in this very vulnerable situation.
I have continued to publicly document our lives and our family, and for the most part have had an incredibly positive response from this. However, there still are (and always will be) assholes out there who make dick comments on my blogs and vlogs. These often come from a place of sheer ignorance, but I have also noticed that a lot stems from racism. On that original post of Alee’s, I was shocked to find that 99% of negative comments came from African American people, telling us that we were in fact racist for having a mixed race baby, with comments like ‘white people cannot teach a black child to be black’. I in no way am ever going to pretend to know what it is to live in the shoes of a black person, to know what it is like to deal with the racism and issues that they face daily, particularly in the USA. Therefore, I know I cannot teach Oakland about this. But I can ensure he meets people in his life that can. And I can teach my child to love and accept all that he is, to embrace his mixed culture and to love all people. Imagine the horror if Alee and I announced that we were having a white baby, because no way in hell would we use a dark donor or have a dark child? That to me is racist. But to choose to have a dark child, to want to learn along with him about his culture as he grows older, to visit different countries and let him explore the world and eat up as much of the difference that exists in this world as he possibly can does not seem like racism to me. But then this begs the question, do I not find it racist because I am white and don’t understand?
I had someone comment on of my videos that the entire explanation I gave about choosing an African American donor was ignorant. They went on to explain that this was because I mentioned Alee loving hip hop. They completely ignored every other reason that I gave, then told me I was assuming my child would grow loving hip hop and that this isn’t necessarily a part of African American culture. Mate, did you actually listen to the words that came from my mouth? I said Alee loves hip hop, which she does. I did not say “oh we have a dark child, so he is definitely going to be able to rap and love hip hop”. Alee is white as all hell and she loves hip hop. That there refutes your entire argument. There are white rappers, there are black rappers. Alee happens to be obsessed with Tupac and Biggie, Kanye and about a million others that I wouldn’t even know the names of. Hip hop can be a part of African American culture, and Alee loves it. Hip hop is a part of Alee’s culture, she has made it so. That was not our entire basis for using a dark donor, and had you actually taken the time to listen to me you would know this. It is like damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If we choose a white donor, we are racist. If we choose a dark donor, we are racist. We like hip hop-racist. We hate hip hop-racist. I don’t get what people want from us? Online, you literally cannot win. You will never, ever please everyone and we have never tried. We are who we are, our family is what it is. If you happen to stumble across us, try to remember that sitting behind the computer, we are actually real human beings, our child is a real person. One day, he will read all this and all that you wrote about him. Stop and think about that before chiming in your two cents on us. Are all these people who are so vocal online actually like this in real life?
We’ve travelled throughout America with Oakland, we met a lot of African American people, talked to many people who took an interest in Oakland and told them our story and not once did any of them tell us to our faces that we were racist for our choices. In fact, over there he was loved and adored. Every African American person that met him gushed and gooed over his hair, his skin, his lips and his mixed race heritage. Everyone was helpful, offering us tips on maintaining his hair and showing us what products to buy. So where were these hundreds of thousands of people that disagree with us so publicly (and safely from their own homes)? People are creating a culture of racism where there is none and does not need to be. When I look at Oakland, I will tell you what I see. I see my son. Never do I look and think ‘there is my black child’. He is just Oakland. He is my blood, he is part of me. I grew and created this life that I love so much. I went through hell and back, pushed my body and my emotions to their very limits so he could exist. Why does his skin colour have to cause so much controversy? Should we not be trying to change the mentality of the next generation to try to eliminate racism? Not everything in this world is black and white (double entendre intended). My son’s skin colour is one part of him, it does not define every single part of his life. I don’t want it to either. He should not have to grow up being told that he is ‘different’ somehow and that this is a negative. We don’t live in America, things are different here. We do not have racism to the horrible extent that America does. Yes, it definitely exists here and is heavily directed towards Indigenous Australians and muslims, but Oakland is not likely to be shot in the back for being in the street. No more likely than I am. If we work to create this culture of hate and prejudice where it isn’t, we are never going to overcome racism and grow as humanity should.
I just do not understand the need to find me, find my videos and blogs, watch or read them then comment if it is not something that impacts upon your life. I have my posts out there to help others experiencing infertility or struggling with their sexuality. I am not trying to offend people with my life, I am not forcing it into your home. It takes nothing to scroll along, but it takes a lot to infect my family with your hatred and negative energy.