I”ve made a big change in my life this month. The ads I have seen online have promised me that this will be the best move I have ever made as a woman, and that I will not only be saving the planet but also the delicate flora of my lady garden. That’s right, I have succumbed to the pressure and purchased a menstrual cup.
Now I must say I have been hesitant to make this purchase. For a start, they are selling for around $50, which is a lot of money for any woman to invest in her vagina without knowing if the product will work for her, or even work at all! What if I can’t get it in? What if it won’t stay in? What if (god forbid) I can’t get it out and I am up for a late night emergency department visit, trying to explain how I managed to get a little piece of silicone stuck in my cha cha, but how it was done with good intentions of cutting down on the damage of cotton farming and blocked drains? What about if this thing leaks, how can they guarantee an airtight seal when every woman is different? I think the scariest part for me that has left me pondering is how do I get it out without making a mess? There clearly needs to be some kind of trial period at home before I brave public cupping.
You are probably wondering well why the hell did I go and drop a quick fifty bucks on this bad boy if I have so many hesitations? Well, I don’t buy into the crappy reviews that I am always certain are from fake people anyway, but who I do listen to are friends, and I have heard only amazing things from women I know who use them. They all swear it is not as gross or fiddly as you assume, and that once you go cup, you never go back. Apparently it is quite the investment, $50 and you are done. No needing to stock the cupboard with tampons while you wait for your period to arrive. No running out of tampons at the last minute and being left stuffing wads of toilet paper down your undies while you do a quick servo run. A big selling point for me was when I read just how bad the cotton fibres that get stuck inside your vagina each month are for you. Not to mention the horror stories of women who forget they had a tampon in, then weeks later end up in hospital with a sore belly and a smelly hoo ha while they watch in horror as a team of nurses pull out a mouldy wad of what was once cotton. Oh, and the thing that really tipped me from hmmm maybe to I am so doing this was an ad that popped up in my feed advertising free menstrual cups, just pay postage and handling. Well, I was sold. I think I ended up paying about $7, and I actually got not one but TWO cups! Winning!
So why two cups I hear you ask? Well, here’s the bit that really weirded me out. Even more so than the thought of having a cup catching my period inside my giney… one cup was small and one was large. According to the website the small cup is for women with a light flow (ok, that makes sense) but it is also for women under 30 or who haven’t birthed a child vaginally. Naturally this means the large cup is for heavier flows, and also women over 30 or who have spat out a kid. Ok guys, I am going to stop you there and let you know I am not only slightly offended, but also seriously confused. Is the over/under 30 bit because something mysterious and unspoken occurs to your vagina when you hit the big 30??? Or is it because they assume by the time you reach the top of the hill you’ve probably copped a bit of a beating downstairs? Is there a mathematical equation for this theory or did some male just make the assumption and decided to run with it? AND can I also just say that from my experience, and also what many gynaecologists and midwives have assured me is that your vagina is one giant muscle, it can stretch and stretch then it snaps right on back. In my defense, I even had a few stitches in there to keep it nice and tidy, and I did my kegels so I am pretty certain I can pass for a pre-30 vagina. I’ll certainly be trialling the mini cup before working my way up to the big daddy. It would be less offensive if there wasn’t really much of a difference, but honestly, the little cup literally fits inside the bigger cup. And the big cup is so large, I feel like it should be taking me out to dinner before we make things FB official. It’s really quite intimidating.
My cup/s finally arrived this week, just in time for the big event which will happen any day now. With this information, I can’t give you a firsthand account or review on the cup in action, but stay tuned for a blog either celebrating how easy my life has become, or maybe a live video from the ER. #cuplife
Here’s the link to get your own FREE CUP!