I want to address the elephant in the room…yes, Alee and I have separated.
A lot of people began figuring it out on their own if they lurked our social media enough, and those that are friends with Alee on Facebook would have seen her recent post about the split. I know that this will come as a shock to many people, and leave many wondering what happened. We actually separated a couple of months ago, however are only making it public now as we needed time to process, to grieve, for Alee to find a place to live and of course (and most importantly) to navigate co-parenting in a civil and fair manner that is in Oakland’s best interests.
I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to actually announce it at all, or if I should just continue with my life and let people work it out eventually when they realise I no longer share news on Alee, our family or IVF. But I guess once this is done it saves me future awkward conversations when people ask me how it is all going.
What I can tell you is that we are still friends (some days!) and we both care for Oakland, working around Alee’s days off. Oakland loves going to Mumma’s house and he understands that Alee no longer lives with us and that she has a separate house. There were many contributing factors to the split, which neither of us really wish to share. We don’t want to publicly blame or shame one another. People change and grow. We both did in the 5 years we had together. Those 5 years were not easy. We constantly dealt with Alee’s legal battles with her ex, IVF, miscarriages and a lot of loss. Becoming a mother changed me immensely. My priorities changed. Our financial situation changed. Alee’s work load increased to allow me to be home full time, meaning we saw less and less of one another. Not being in paid employment made me often feel undervalued or as though I wasn’t contributing, as I was used to bringing in an income (obviously we both recognise the difficulty and importance of a SAHM, so please don’t think I am disregarding that. It is the hardest job out there!). I can readily admit that the most recent miscarriage really knocked me down. I haven’t been the same person since then and I don’t think I have fully dealt with that yet. Neither Alee nor myself are perfect people or perfect partners. At the end of the day, life happened. We don’t want people messaging us wanting details. That’s irrelevant. What is important is where to from here. We have a child together and a lifetime of being in one another’s lives ahead of us, through good or bad.
What a lot of people don’t know is that we recently underwent another round of IVF. It was while doing my needles that things got a bit messy, so given the circumstances we opted for a freeze all cycle instead of a transfer. Ironically, this was our most successful cycle yet. We now have 3 frosty babies waiting for us on ice. To answer the question I know you will all be thinking, no, we do not have plans for what will happen there. That will take some time and healing before we make a decision.
It is sad, and it downright sucks that things have ended this way for our little family. Especially given the public support we have had during our journey. It sucks that I have to write this and we need to make an announcement like fucking royalty or something, but it is what it is I suppose?I guess now you can all look forward to blogs about the trials and tribulations of a single mum! And can I say, man have I got new found respect for all the single mummas out there! What a bloody tough gig this is!
All we ask is for some space and respect during this time. We won’t engage in publicly bagging each other out. Even on our worst days (trust me, they happen!) neither of us will spread hate online. We had 5 exhausting years together, created the most amazing child together and we still have a lot of love for one another. We do thank everyone who followed our journey, sent us love and best wishes for IVF and who just genuinely wanted us to have a happy life together. I am sorry that this is where we are at.
But as the saying goes, as one door closes, another always opens…